So here we were, finally in Bangkok, albeit in a daze from 30+ hours of travel, red eyed and cotton headed, synapses not fully firing. But we were here! Luckily airport signage was also in English along with Thai so we were able to get ourselves through Customs and Immigration (they were so sweet and not yelly and gruff like the ones in the US are) and find an ATM machine. Some travel intel and advice we had picked up in our planning was that cash is king in Thailand and that we should plan on withdrawing Thai baht rather than relying on credit cards¹. Armed with this information we planned on using our Charles Schwab checking accounts because this bank reimburses your ATM fees². This was prudent because the withdrawal fees averaged about $7.50 a transaction.

Wallets stuffed full of baht we headed to figure out the metro system that we were planning on taking to the neighborhood that we were staying in- the Sukhumvit Road area. And then we promptly had to turn back around and head to the money exchange booth because the metro system only accepted small bills… So now, armed with small bills, we were able to buy our tokens for the metro. We were successful in navigating ourselves to Sukhumvit Road and then popped into our first 7-11 to experience the Thai cultural phenomenon that is 7-11. 7-11 is extremely popular and serves as cheap coffee shop and breakfast/lunch/dinner spot in Thailand. There are nearly 15,000 7-11’s in Thailand. That is how popular and prevalent they are. We successfully ordered coffee drinks for the much needed caffeine and then headed to an off the beaten path food court that Scott had learned about.

The food court was in the Ruam Sap Market and was part typical Asian market and part food stalls. Scott went first in search of food while I stayed at a table to babysit our bags and he came back with some sort of spicy egg and pork sausage noodle dish. I wasn’t feeling particularly adventuresome yet and settled on some fried bananas but did eat the leftover noodles and broth from Scott’s dish that he shared with me, carefully eating around the meat. (The walk to the market had left me feeling suspicious of meat thanks to all the street food vendors and questionable non-existent food safety practices we encountered along the way.)

Bellies full we donned our backpacks and headed towards Benchakitti Park to kill time before we could check into our hotel. It is a beautiful green space amidst the urban madness of Bangkok. Along the way we passed the infamous Soi Cowboy. Scott had hoped to hang our hammocks in the park so we could take a much needed siesta but he was quickly shot down (verbally, not literally) by the park guard who barked a stern “NO!” in his direction as he unfurled the hammock and started stringing it up between two trees. Hammocking denied, we opted to just lay in a shady spot on the grass and rest.

I eventually went in search of a bathroom and was thrilled to witness my first native Southeast Asian “bum gun.” Click here for a fun and humorous tutorial on bum guns. I also remembered that I had forgotten to bring my packet of tissues with me, as toilet paper is not a given potty commodity in Thai bathrooms. Nor is soap we would soon learn.

Recharged enough to now be bored of the park, we decided to head to the hotel to drop off our bags and go in search of a massage. Thailand is known for its massages, both the ones that are therapeutic and respectable, annnd the ones that are maybe not as decent and innocent and are staffed with ladies of the night and women of ill repute. This was a tall order since our cute little hotel, the Sakura Sky Residence, was smackdab in the middle of the nuru massage district. (I will not be linking directly to that, Google it at your own risk.) Thankfully I was able to suss out one of the few non scandalous establishments in the area (phew) for us to get a massage. The clue is tunics. Look for the employees wearing tunics. If they are wearing skimpy three sizes too small cocktail dresses and high heels at lunchtime and verbally hustling the men that walk past the massage parlor with calls of “masssagggeeeee?”, that is a pretty good clue that you’re in the wrong one… Or maybe the right one, either way, no judgement from me, just wanted to share what I learned.

This is how we came to be wearing funny pajamas for the second time in 24 hours. We were told to strip and put them on. They were about as Thai as you can get with the classic elephant print that is ubiquitous with Thailand. And then an eighty pound Thai grandmother climbed up my back. Using every single part of her body to inflict pain and pummel my body into submission. She used her fists, her elbows and her knees. It was part Muay Thai boxing (she was kicking my ass), part goat tying (I was the goat), part yoga (ouch I don’t bend that way), and part horseback riding (I was the horse). Just when I would think I couldn’t take it anymore she would move her wrath to another body part of mine and start unleashing her fury upon it and she would giggle with delight when I squealed. Utter delight she would giggle with.

In between bouts of pain I would sneak glances at Scott who was laying on the mat next to me and enjoying a similar experience. According to him, he would always have hopeful anticipation that the next body part would be sweetly caressed and gently massaged but it usually was more of the same pain inflicting wrathful strokes that were incurred.³

Bodies now beat into submission, we staggered out of the building in search of some lunch. We ended up at a large mall (one of thousands it seemed) near our hotel, called the Em Quartier. The malls in Bangkok were just unbelievable- several stories tall, chocked full of luxury goods stores (Hermes, Fendi, Dior, Louis Vuitton, etc.) and extravagantly decorated with waterfalls and live plants. We had heard that the food court here was worth checking out so we scouted out our options. We settled on a pizza place and split one while people-watching and admiring the ostentatious surroundings.

We headed to the hotel as it was finally time to check in. We showered and decided to lay down for a nap before we needed to leave to head downtown to have dinner and drinks on top of the MahaNakhon Skyscraper. I knew this was risky business so I set an alarm for an hour and half.. and when it went off I hit snooze… and we slept until the next morning.

Just so that you can have the song stuck in your head too…